Is fascism the answer to improving on-time performance?

Il Dolce watching planes take off at Aerporti di Roma, 1940

The holidays are nearly upon us and like anyone, I'm dreading flight delays. But is there a ready-made answer to the on-time performance woes we've all become so accustomed to? Perhaps...

I'm not a big Obama fan. In fact, he's a not-very-well-disguised fascist. However, as famed people-studiers Montagu and Darling suggest, fascism might have some benefits hiding just beneath the blankets on the bed of our political unhappiness. Consider their thoughts on Benito Mussolini, hall of fame Italian dictator of some years back:

"Mussolini may have done many brutal and terrible things; he may have destroyed freedom in Italy; he may have murdered and tortured citizens whose only crime was to oppose him; but one had to admit one thing about the Dictator: he made the trains run on time."

And so, something good may yet emerge like a great eagle, reborn again from the ashes of the ungood. Plainly put, could Obama's fascist dictatoring ways be the answer to improving on-time flight performance this holiday season? Can he pull a Mussolini and make the planes run on time? Let's hope so, for the sake of spending more time with our loved ones.

GOD bless you-

Captain Art Griego

The NEW Gestapo: Gate agents and airport security personel

Gate and ticketing agents often assign an "SSSS" code to the bottom of a passenger's boarding pass if the customer appears "odd" in someway, acts suspicious, or has ID that doesn't exactly match the traveler's name.

This "SSSS" designation is a red flag for TSA and other airline personnel, and prompts them to make thorough and extended searches of your possessions, question you on your ticketing details, and swab every item in your possession for explosives residue. Passengers with a "SSSS" code on their boarding passes also tend to get poorer service from flight attendants too.
How do I know? From personal experience, that's how. I was flagged "SSSS" last year for demanding a ticket upgrade at the counter (the ticketing agent and several witnesses said I was "yelling" and "cursing" and calling the agent "fat ass" and "lard butt", but of course they were mistaken). I was then searched three times, my belongings were rudely swabbed, and the TSA agent even insulted my on my choice of ties. As I boarded the aircraft, I was pulled out of the line and searched again and questioned as to what my travel plans were, why I had been in Denver, and why I was taking this particular flight home instead of an earlier/later one.

Have you ever assigned a person the "SSSS" code just because they were grumpy, rude, or you otherwise just didn't like the way they looked? Did you ever think that maybe YOU might have the attitude and not them? Be honest.

GOD bless you-
Captain Art Griego