Any Born-Again Christian pilots out there? Your thoughts?

On several of my past flights I've had the ominous feeling someone was either standing or sitting directly behind me. One particularly vivid example comes to mind. In December of 1997, I was piloting a 777-200ER between Boston and London's Heathrow. It was a flight I had flown many, many times before. On this night, however, I distinctly recall a feeling of impending doom as I boarded the aircraft and conducted my pre-flight checks.

Several hours into the flight, when we were well over a dark and rainy North Atlantic Ocean, I was making routine notes in my flight logbook. As I scribbled notes and checked our bearing, I began to feel what I could only describe as a dark and foreboding presence in the cockpit with me. In short, I felt someone (or something?) was standing directly behind me. Fighting the urge to immediately turn and confront what I felt was the incarnation of an utterly maleficent evil; I closed my eyes and began to pray silently, petitioning the Lord Our GOD to cast HIS Light of Truth upon this presence. After several moments, I heard a slight chuckle behind me and felt the interior of the cabin become suddenly warm, almost hot. Startled, I cried out, entreating the entity to be gone.

Not able to stand the thought of a demon standing behind me any longer, I began to turn in my seat and as I did so, I felt an incredible surge of energy pass through my body. Out of the corner of my eye I saw something slip away into the shadow of the bulkhead door behind me and vanish.

At this moment, my copilot, who was known for spending perhaps a little too much time in the flight deck lavatory, popped his head out of the security door to ask me if everything was OK. Somewhat shaken and pale, I asked him to pray with me. As we knelt down and prayed, I felt the Love of GOD washing over us. It was such a moving experience that I had to take a moment and excuse myself and weep silently with joy in the lavatory. It was only when I closed the door to the lavatory behind me that I realized I had voided my bowels, soiling my trousers.

Have any of you ever had an experience like this? And how did you confront it? Did you turn to prayer?

ARE FEMALE PILOTS NEGATIVELY AFFECTING ONTIME PERFORMANCE?

Over the last 20 years, the number of female commercial airline pilots flying the friendly skies has increased dramatically. Over that same time period, airline on-time performance has also suffered. Is there a relationship between the two variables? I think so.

Over the span of my career I can remember numerous occasions where flying with a female pilot or copilot has made a flight late. For example, I recall sitting on the tarmac, the engines fired up and ready to go, only to wait for a female pilot to finish text messaging friends, applying makeup, spending time in the flight deck lavatory, or looking through her purse for something.

Think about this the next time your flight is sitting on the ground for an extended period of time. When the pilot or copilot comes over the intercom and announces, "Uh folks we're just waiting on the... uhhh... ground traffic to clear and we'll be on our way shortly" you'll know what's REALLY going on.


God Bless you-

Captain Art Grieg0

GHOST STORIES: The Holy Ghost brings it

What a LOSER.

Why is it important to listen to the Holy Ghost and minister unto His directives? Because the Holy Ghost has the literal power to strike us down at any moment, no matter where we are geographically on GOD's Earth.

Points in case:

In 1980, flight voice recordings indicated two pilots were having a conversation about the validity of the Holy Ghost as a Christian precept and both of them came to the conclusion the Holy Ghost was made-up. The flight (Aerolinee Itavia 870) was never head from again, and crashed, killing all 81 people on board.

In 2004, Flash Airlines Flight 604 (Egypt) crashed shortly after take-off, killing 142 passengers. Flight voice recorders indicate the lead flight attendant, a Muslim, had been reportedly telling jokes about the Trinity over the intercom, referring to the Holy Ghost as "Casper the Unholy Ghost".

These are just two of many such examples of why we should both listen to and obey the holy mutterings of the Holy Ghost.

Praise Him and honor him with an open and loving heart- trash talk Him at your mortal peril.

GOD bless you-

Captain Art Griego

Is fascism the answer to improving on-time performance?

Il Dolce watching planes take off at Aerporti di Roma, 1940

The holidays are nearly upon us and like anyone, I'm dreading flight delays. But is there a ready-made answer to the on-time performance woes we've all become so accustomed to? Perhaps...

I'm not a big Obama fan. In fact, he's a not-very-well-disguised fascist. However, as famed people-studiers Montagu and Darling suggest, fascism might have some benefits hiding just beneath the blankets on the bed of our political unhappiness. Consider their thoughts on Benito Mussolini, hall of fame Italian dictator of some years back:

"Mussolini may have done many brutal and terrible things; he may have destroyed freedom in Italy; he may have murdered and tortured citizens whose only crime was to oppose him; but one had to admit one thing about the Dictator: he made the trains run on time."

And so, something good may yet emerge like a great eagle, reborn again from the ashes of the ungood. Plainly put, could Obama's fascist dictatoring ways be the answer to improving on-time flight performance this holiday season? Can he pull a Mussolini and make the planes run on time? Let's hope so, for the sake of spending more time with our loved ones.

GOD bless you-

Captain Art Griego

The NEW Gestapo: Gate agents and airport security personel

Gate and ticketing agents often assign an "SSSS" code to the bottom of a passenger's boarding pass if the customer appears "odd" in someway, acts suspicious, or has ID that doesn't exactly match the traveler's name.

This "SSSS" designation is a red flag for TSA and other airline personnel, and prompts them to make thorough and extended searches of your possessions, question you on your ticketing details, and swab every item in your possession for explosives residue. Passengers with a "SSSS" code on their boarding passes also tend to get poorer service from flight attendants too.
How do I know? From personal experience, that's how. I was flagged "SSSS" last year for demanding a ticket upgrade at the counter (the ticketing agent and several witnesses said I was "yelling" and "cursing" and calling the agent "fat ass" and "lard butt", but of course they were mistaken). I was then searched three times, my belongings were rudely swabbed, and the TSA agent even insulted my on my choice of ties. As I boarded the aircraft, I was pulled out of the line and searched again and questioned as to what my travel plans were, why I had been in Denver, and why I was taking this particular flight home instead of an earlier/later one.

Have you ever assigned a person the "SSSS" code just because they were grumpy, rude, or you otherwise just didn't like the way they looked? Did you ever think that maybe YOU might have the attitude and not them? Be honest.

GOD bless you-
Captain Art Griego

And the winner is: Captain Griego

Great news!

I recently received a life-time achievement award for my service and contributions to the field of winged-flight from the Aviation Service Society of America. The inscription on the trophy (a beautiful bronze rendering of Icarus) reads:

"For Captain Art E. Griego, whose achievements are hereby inserted into the anals of aviation history."

I was surprised to receive the award, as I didn't even know this organization existed. However, I have proudly accepted the award and plan to display it on the mantle of my fireplace, next to my "Screaming Albatross" award, given to me by the Consortium for Regulated Aviation Professionals in 2001.

GOD bless you-

Captain Art Griego

THE DRAGON AND THE AIRPORT: MANO A MANO COMBAT AT LAX

Chinese national holding his place in line at LAX.

Last Saturday evening, upon my return from the Orient, I passed through LAX Immigration and Customs. I must say, the gentlemanly Christian in me was shocked at the savage disregard for basic politeness shown by my fellow travelers from China. The Chinese are decent folks, but when it comes to lining up in an orderly fashion for anything, it's all Chinese for themselves.

As I stood in line at US Immigration and Customs, I saw an elderly Chinese woman get elbowed in the throat by a Chinese business man in a Saville Row suit and a Mr. Spock haircut. She went down right away, groaning loudly and clutching her throat. A young couple from Ningbo were standing right behind her too, and undoubtedly watched her hit the linoleum. Did they help her? No, they just stood peering into their cell-phones, pretending not to notice. The young woman even nudged the old woman's bags aside, and ushered her imitation Louis Vuitton bags into the vacated space, acting if nothing out-of-the-ordinary had happened. The Chinese businessman jabbered something in Asian to the old woman, and went back to reading his edition of the Singapore Business Weekly.

It's a sad state of affairs when an old person (even Chinese) gets mistreated and nobody stops to help. (I would have helped her up but my I was next in line for the immigration checkpoint.)

GOD bless you-

Captain Art Griego