MUSICALS: USING GAY MUSIC AS MORAL BOOSTER

In my day, I was pretty well-known for running a tight ship and doing everything possible to maintain order and morale. On long, transpacific flights I'd often force my crews to sing along with me to great Gilbert & Sullivan musicals. One of my favorites is the H.M.S. Pinafore. A typical call and response dialogue between my flight crew and I might go something like this:

CAPT: My gallant crew, good morning.

ALL (saluting): Sir, good morning!

CAPT: I hope you're all quite well.

ALL: Quite well; and you, sir?

CAPT: I am in reasonable health, and happy to meet you all once more.

ALL: You do us proud, sir!

SONG -- CAPTAIN

CAPT: I am the Captain of the (state flight number and airline here);

ALL: And a right good captain, too!

CAPT: You're very, very correct,
And allow me to be direct,
I command a right good crew!

ALL: We're very, very good,
And be it understood,
He commands a right good crew.

CAPT: Though related to a peer,
I can recover from a stall, and steer,
And once in flight, although I'm sometimes pale ;
I am never known to quail
At the fury of a gale,
And I'm never, never sick at in the air!

ALL. What, never?

CAPT. No, never!

ALL. What, never?

CAPT. Hardly ever! (OK sometimes.)

ALL. He's hardly ever sick in the air!
Then give three cheers, and one cheer more,
For the hardy Captain of (state flight number and airline again)!

ARE OBESE FLIGHT ATTENDANTS DRIVING UP COSTS?

Are overweight flight attendants causing aviation fuel prices to rise? The more I look into this issue, the more I'm inclined to believe there seems to be an causational relationship here.

In 1991, standards were passed easing restrictions on flight attendant weight. Simply put, flight attendants were basically permitted to pack on the pounds after 1991. And pack on the pounds they did, faster than you can say "pass the pasta".

Similarly, aviation fuel prices have also increased since the early 90's. I posit that the easing obesity restrictions in 1991 has led to increased fuel prices.


GOD bless you-

Captain Art Griego

YOUR DOG IS NOT A PASSENGER. PERIOD.

LEAVE FIFI AT HOME, PEOPLE.

There's been some buzz in the industry over the last few weeks about allowing small dogs to accompany passengers in the cabin on flights. Bad idea. The last thing I want to hear on a five hour flight is Fifi yapping incessantly. For heaven's sake, leave your glorified rodents at home, people.

I once saw a baggage handler soccer-style kick a little pink carrier containing a Bichon Frisé over a parked 757 at Logan Field in Boston. The dog had been barking non-stop at him for 45 minutes and the baggage handler just snapped. He placed the carrier on the tarmac and took four steps back, and two steps to the left and then Jan Steneruded that carrier with his right foot, fully extending his leg above his head, holding the follow-through until the yapping dog disappeared from sight.

GOD bless you-

Captain Art

A nice pic of jan Stenerud:

"HERO" (HAH!) LANDS PLANE AFTER PILOT DIES

CATCHING A FEW ZZZZZs ON THE BEECHCRAFT KING AIR 200

Clap clap clap clap. Yaaaaay.

A passenger safely landed a Beechcraft King Air 200 in Ft. Myers, Florida yesterday after the pilot died during initial ascent. First off, I do extend my best wishes and prayers to the pilot's family. This was an unfortunate circumstance. BUT, let's not get too carried away in patting this "brave" passenger on the back.

Before the press starts handing our merit badges and gold stars to this passenger, let's put this story in it's proper perspective. First of all, the Beechcraft King Air 200 is THE EASIEST plane to fly in existence. It has a very advanced autopilot and can actually land itself. In fact, after the pilot initially lifts off, the pilot has virtually NOTHING to do.

How do I know this? I have personal experience with the aircraft. In 2004 I was piloting a small group of businessmen from Cape Canaveral to Bermuda in a Beechcraft KA 200. I was suffering from the flu at the time and had just consumed more than half a bottle of Nyquil Flu medicine. After taking off and setting the autopilot, I decided to get about 30 minutes of shut-eye. When I awoke, we were safely on the ground in Bermuda and the plane was empty. The main hatch was open and a warm tropical wind was blowing through the cabin, my passengers having long since deplaned. The plane had safely landed itself.

Second of all, this "brave passenger" wasn't a casual passenger at all. He had flight credentials and was rated on smaller aircraft. Do you congratulate your three year old when he moves on from one tricycle to a slightly larger one? No. I just LOVE how the press has tagged this guy as a hero. Man, as a country we have our notion of "heros" all wrong.

GOD bless you-

Captain Art

The story can be found here: http://tinyurl.com/clu6hf

IS THE ANTICHRIST REALLY A HONDURAN BUREAUCRAT?

FIREFIGHTERS DOUSING THE BUENA CARDENAS ELEMENTARY SCHOOL BLAZE. (TEGUCIGALPA, HONDURAS 2007)

A quick update on the Honduras situation. As many of you might know, I have a vacation home in Honduras and the Honduran government has finally given me clearance to return to the country after a prolonged hiatus. However, Honduran aviation authorities have forbidden me to come within "100 meters of any civil or private aircraft, save for the purpose of travel upon leaving Honduras". It seems they can't forgive and forget about that school I crashed a "borrowed" Bell 47 helicopter. It was years ago and nobody was killed. Let's let the past be the past.

In the words of my Spanish speaking lawyer, Honduran Aviation Authorities claim I pose 'Una amenaza verdadera y grave para el bienestar de la población de Honduras' ("a serious and direct threat to the welfare of the Honduran people").

So, are Honduran meters different from other kinds of meters, like those used in the UK? Are they by chance shorter in legnth? (Please say yes!!!) Does anyone know the answer to this question? I can't seem to find details about the Honduran System of Measurement anywhere on the web.

Thanks in advance for your help-

GOD bless you-

Captain Art

NOSE DOWN OVER THE NORTH ATLANTIC

Bad dreams and night sweats again. Bad flashbacks from '75. This image floated around my head all night... I can hear the stall warning in my head, "meeeeeeehheeheheeheehehe".

HOME AWAY FROM HOME: CASA GRIEGO

I'm thinking about spending a few weeks at Casa Grigeo, my home away from home in La Ceiba, Honduras. I'd take the time to work on my memoirs, play golf, pray, walk on the beach, and visit local air museums. As you can see from the pic above, it's a pretty nice place, but a little run-down due to my absence. Being recently retired, I hope to be able to spend more time there.

I've petitioned the Honduran government to allow me back in the country. I phoned my lawyer in Tegucigalpa this morning and he said the Honduran government was considering my request and would most likely grant it. However, he did say that they would not permit me to fly rotary blade aircraft as I posed 'Una amenaza verdadera y grave para el bienestar de la población de Honduras' ("a serious and direct threat to the welfare of the Honduran people").

I just can't understand why some folks can't forgive and forget when people make mistakes. GOD wants us to forgive, and GOD forgives us of our sins, so why can't the pencil necks in the Honduran government cut me a little slack?